My Long Hiatus

It's been long enough since my last post that I probably am long overdue for an explanation. I had typed out a lengthy story and saved it as a draft, but after re-reading the draft, the realization occurred to me that it contained just a little too much information that my friends and family DON'T need to know about me. So, I shall spare you all the details, after all, only my sister and closest confidant knows the whole truth and only the truth. Suffice it to say that I met a guy, things became very close, very fast, and now said guy and I are no longer together. Like everything I do, I gave 100% of myself over to the experience. The relationship lasted just shy of a month and I learned more than I thought I ever needed to know from him. That said, if I ever see that rat-bastard again, he better have my money or I'ma bust him in the kneecaps. Don't show your face 'round New Orleans, Evan. Just sayin.

In between that time and now, my social life has been relatively stagnant, which is strange for me. March had St Patrick's Day, which was a nice, welcomed celebration after the departure of Evan. After the parades, I danced the night away at the bar across the street from the apartment w/NOFD's finest and my neighbor Al, and I drank so much I woke up dizzy the next day; I STILL managed to make it to work!

April had me in Atlanta on business for a week-that's when my world changed. While I kinda knew it was coming, the news still managed to blindside me. My client told me that in order for me to eventually accept the promotion that I'd been being groomed for for the last year, I would HAVE to move back to Atlanta, she needed me nearby. I never really knew how much New Orleans meant to me until someone told me I'd have to leave, and I quite literally cried myself to sleep the night after my meeting. On paper, the decision is easy to make: more money, better status w/in the company, and (finally) a change from what I've been doing for the last 10+ years-no more "glass ceiling". The reality of such a decision is much more complicated, though.

Leaving New Orleans means leaving a part of Independent Jackie behind (if you're familiar w/Seinfeld, you'll understand the reference). It means no more community feeling where I can walk to everything beneath the shade of 200+ year old oak trees. It means no more street cars and 24hr washeterias where you can drink and play pool while your clothes play in the spin cycle. It means no more falling asleep to the sounds of the barges passing in the night as they traverse the Mississippi. It means no more bridges illuminated w/thousands of lights and the city as its backdrop, or sitting on my balcony listening to the cicadas amidst the warm, salty breeze coming off the ocean and marshes. It means no more fairs or festivals where everyone is happy to see you, you can ALWAYS find gator on a stick, and the biggest problem anyone has is to figure out if they should stop dancing or try and make it through another song before locating a port-o-let. And I won't even get started on the cuisine to which I have become so accustomed it's like I've lived nowhere else.

Returning to Atlanta means returning to all the drama and nonsense and pain I left behind that was the impetus of my leaving in the first place. It means returning to working 10-12 hour days and battling endless hours of traffic just to go and get something to eat. It means having to live amidst smog and stagnant air that only catches a breeze if a front is coming through. It means water restrictions and pollen counts long after spring has sprung. Returning to Atlanta means I have to be a different kind of Jackie in a different city with a different culture.

As you can see, I have struggled w/the decision a great deal. I tried to figure out if the reason why I was so upset at the prospect of having to move was just that I didn't want to leave New Orleans or if it was that I didn't want to return to Atlanta-they're two VERY different concepts. After a tremendous amount of contemplation, I've decided that its really both. I don't want to leave NOLA, but I'm also not jumping at the thought of returning to Atlanta. If my client had told me that I could have the job, but that I'd have to move to Chicago (for argument's sake), I still would have been upset, but probably not quite so distraught.

Now, obviously, we all know I'm going BACK to Atlanta. The facts remains that I no longer have a husband; I don't have any children; I have my cat and my career and that's easily transportable from one locale to another. If all of this sounds sad and depressing to you, it really isn't my intention. Happiness is what you make of it and I know I can find a way to be happy in Atlanta. After all, returning to Atlanta also means returning to family and friends and familiar, beautiful places, skylines that can be replicated nowhere else, and breathtaking changes of season. Most of life is in the little, simple moments, we just need to be observant enough to take notice. The ETA of my relocation is still up in the air; my company has not actually given me the job yet. We still have a lot of red tape to go through, but I'll keep you posted.

The rest of my life has been punctuated by the above. Amy came to visit in May, and as usual, we had a blast, but I kept wondering if this was going to be the last time we'd be able to hang out w/me as an actual resident, w/a physical home in my beloved city.

Becky and Brianna came to visit for Memorial Day at the end of May/beginning of June. I love when they come to visit and I cry every single time they leave. It will definitely be nice to be closer to them and be able to see my two favorite girls every week.

July brought the 4th and Brianna's first camping trip, albeit to an oil-stained Gulf Coast. The journey took me 8+ hours when it should have only taken 3 at most. I also managed to get myself into TWO separate car accidents on the way to Pensacola. That's what happens when I have to sit in traffic for so long when I've become UN-used to it! Look out Metro Atlanta motorists; Chappy is heading back to the city!!! Our holiday was definitely an experience! After the first night, when we slept through storms and wind, Brianna woke up and said "Mommy, I'm not a fan of sleeping in tents!". That kid cracks me up. We had a tremendous time, but I was EXHAUSTED when I got back.

And now we're in August. I have to be back in Atlanta for work the 23-27. I've tried to line up a couple of condo showings when I'm in town, but until my company actually gives me the job, I'm not moving. I've worked in Corporate America long enough to know that nothing is said and done until its signed, sealed, and delivered. Until then, I guess I'll need to keeping pickin 'em up and puttin 'em down waiting for someone to make a decision and pull the trigger. I do, however, need to get out of this mental funk that is keeping me from enjoying my last couple of months here as a resident. Depression is a bitch and I didn't really realize I was kinda feeling that way until I just wrote it down...... Eh...where's the bourbon?