I saw this post on Facebook and it stood out:
"Sanity in family life is one of a child's most earnest needs
if healthy development is to be possible. In this context it means adults who,
for the most part, say what they mean and mean what they say."
The last thing I ever wanted this blog to be about was a doorway into my emotional psyche. I'm already stuck inside my own head and no one else deserves to be stuck in here with me. With that in mind, I will hold my tongue and keep from spilling out the diatribe that I really would like to commit to paper. I will, however, note that "sanity in family life" is not a concept I am familiar with. Not because those around me didn't say what they meant or mean what they said, but rather because when you're surrounded by emotionally unstable, volatile individuals, SANITY is often hard to come by.
The biggest lesson I have managed to learn growing up is that there comes a point in everyone's life where you have to STOP blaming your parents for screwing you up. They did what they did, when they did it, and whether or not their intentions were good or bad, makes no difference; once you're an adult, your decisions are your own. You can allow the ghosts of your past to continue to haunt you, or you can close the door and MOVE ON. I chose long ago to move on. I don't harbor any ill-will toward any of my parents (and I use the word "any" because if you know anything about my family life, you realize that I have a "biological set" and an "adopted/step" set). My life is what I make of it and although the experiences of my rearing have definitely shaped who I am today, I have the responsibility, no no, I have the OBLIGATION, not allow those experiences to continue shaping who I am in the future.
Children, on the other hand, don't yet have the presence of mind to determine ahead of time when their loved ones are screwing them up. They are constantly influenced by those around them and are acutely aware of things grown-ups naively believe go unnoticed. We have a duty to protect their innocence and raise them in a SANE environment. As an adult, YOU DO NOT have the right to make those around you miserable, particularly a child (and I'm not talking about discipline). If you're miserable and unhappy, deal with it yourself and don't take it out on those around you. If there is a problem/issue in your household, address the issue head on, seek out the TRUE cause of that issue, and come up with a solution. Children are children-they're messy and noisy and expensive-and although I do not have any of my own, I firmly believe they are a gift from our creator and are worth every bit of stress, every gray hair, and every penniless pocket book. Unless your kid is like Damian w/666 tattooed on his scalp, chances are that they are not the root cause of your problems-you are. Deal with it and get over yourself.
Family/friends, if any of the above makes you angry, deal with it and get over yourself. If you want to know what I REALLY think, ask me and I'll be more than happy to tell you to your face.
Good night.
if healthy development is to be possible. In this context it means adults who,
for the most part, say what they mean and mean what they say."
The last thing I ever wanted this blog to be about was a doorway into my emotional psyche. I'm already stuck inside my own head and no one else deserves to be stuck in here with me. With that in mind, I will hold my tongue and keep from spilling out the diatribe that I really would like to commit to paper. I will, however, note that "sanity in family life" is not a concept I am familiar with. Not because those around me didn't say what they meant or mean what they said, but rather because when you're surrounded by emotionally unstable, volatile individuals, SANITY is often hard to come by.
The biggest lesson I have managed to learn growing up is that there comes a point in everyone's life where you have to STOP blaming your parents for screwing you up. They did what they did, when they did it, and whether or not their intentions were good or bad, makes no difference; once you're an adult, your decisions are your own. You can allow the ghosts of your past to continue to haunt you, or you can close the door and MOVE ON. I chose long ago to move on. I don't harbor any ill-will toward any of my parents (and I use the word "any" because if you know anything about my family life, you realize that I have a "biological set" and an "adopted/step" set). My life is what I make of it and although the experiences of my rearing have definitely shaped who I am today, I have the responsibility, no no, I have the OBLIGATION, not allow those experiences to continue shaping who I am in the future.
Children, on the other hand, don't yet have the presence of mind to determine ahead of time when their loved ones are screwing them up. They are constantly influenced by those around them and are acutely aware of things grown-ups naively believe go unnoticed. We have a duty to protect their innocence and raise them in a SANE environment. As an adult, YOU DO NOT have the right to make those around you miserable, particularly a child (and I'm not talking about discipline). If you're miserable and unhappy, deal with it yourself and don't take it out on those around you. If there is a problem/issue in your household, address the issue head on, seek out the TRUE cause of that issue, and come up with a solution. Children are children-they're messy and noisy and expensive-and although I do not have any of my own, I firmly believe they are a gift from our creator and are worth every bit of stress, every gray hair, and every penniless pocket book. Unless your kid is like Damian w/666 tattooed on his scalp, chances are that they are not the root cause of your problems-you are. Deal with it and get over yourself.
Family/friends, if any of the above makes you angry, deal with it and get over yourself. If you want to know what I REALLY think, ask me and I'll be more than happy to tell you to your face.
Good night.
