I feel awful that I don't blog more frequently. I get these great ideas on things I should write about when I'm in the car, in the shower, sitting at the airport, etc. but I can't quite ever sit down and put pen to paper (err fingers to keyboard, I mean). My friend Katrina operates at least two blogs (that I know of) and between being a wife, work, and having a toddler running around, she still manages to find the time....No excuse, Chappy! So, looking back at my last post....in AUGUST, I realized it was about time to at least update this thing.
First things first: Mom, don't take offense to that last post. None of us would be honest with ourselves if we didn't at least acknowledge that there was some form of dysfunction in each of our upbringings (you included). August was one of those moments when I just happened to feel the pang of a maladjusted situation on an acute level. You should know me well enough by now to know that I'm nothing if not passionate about nearly everything in my life-some see such passion and excitability as exhausting; Its all I know, and for better or worse, its who I am. I love you.
Moving on...As I wrote a couple months ago, the inevitable has now happened: I got the promotion and will be on my way back to Atlanta 1 week from today. Becuase I've known about the likelihood of having to move since April, I've had a bit of time to adjust to the notion. Unfortunately, though, while time may heal all wounds, the pain and reality of having to leave New Orleans is still very much just beneath the surface of my stressed-out exterior. I very much love my job and my client, though, and the ability to finally move my career forward made the decision a no-brainer. So, it is with tears streaming down my cheeks and a heavy heart that I now pack up my belongings (something I SHOULD be doing now instead of blogging....).
I always knew I'd live here one day. When I was a kid, I had to do a report on a state and its capital and I chose Louisiana and Baton Rouge. I was a visionary even as a wee child! Now that I am faced w/the impending move, I've had a long time to contemplate the reasons why I love this city and state so much and I've come up with quite a comprehensive list. Here goes: The warm hospitality of the people; The delectable-ness of the cuisine; The sweeping understanding that booze and entertainment on every level is something to be taxed-the-hell out of rather than banned; The beautiful architecture that rises from nearly every corner of the Uptown and CBD; The lively, dulcet tones coming from the bands pouring into the streets from the bars and clubs; The weather and soft ocean breezes that roll in when a front is passing through; The feeling that I'm surrounded by history when I walk into the shops and down the streets; Its a sportsman's paradise!; The timeless, unchanging culture and philosophies of the inhabitants who's families have lived here for generations upon generations.
Now, the above is by no means an exhaustive list. It merely represents some of the quasi-tangible things I love about my city. The biggest revelation I had concerning my attachment was made in October when Jennifer came to visit. Jenny is one of the best people I know and I am so lucky to have her in my world. She is the kind of person that simply will not let me hide from myself, which, in all honesty, makes me a bit anxious. Such inability to hide makes me a better person, though. She's always there to listen and comfort, but she will most definitely call me out if I'm being an idiot- - -I love her for everything she is.
In our multiple conversations, Jennifer helped me to realize that New Orleans represented a new birth for me, an entirely new life separated from everything I'd ever known. Most people experience the newness of living on their own in their 20's. In my twenties, I was married and there was absolutely no separation or even a small amount of breathing room until we broke up for good in April 2008. In New Orleans, I had to learn how to be completely self sufficient, balance a check book, open my own jars (which I still can't do), make small repairs to household things (I still have a difficult time changing light bulbs), feed/clothe/shelter myself, and just in general grow up. I became the person that I am today because of New Orleans and for that, I will forever be grateful.
Rather than go on ad nauseum, I'll stop here. The epiphany has been had and its now time to begin a new chapter in my life. I'm a firm believer of no door ever closing w/out another one opening, and I have faith that I am where I am meant to be at every moment in my day. I came to New Orleans for a reason and it is with another reason (the overall deep understanding of which has yet to be realized) that I return to Atlanta. I am very excited about my new position and am eager to dive in and start becoming even more stressed out trying to learn a new role! My new condo in Atlanta is beautiful and very close to the office. Aside from not having a view or covered parking, it has everything I need. I've made a conscientious effort to secure as much "New Orleans" stuff as I can to decorate the new place, so visitors be warned: there will be LOTS of fleur de lis! If you don't like it, you can leave.
In conclusion, a friend of mine here in New Orleans had some very wise, but simple, comforting words to help sustain me: "Don't cry or fret about having to leave. New Orleans isn't going ANYWHERE. If Katrina and BP couldn't take us out, we'll still be standing when you're ready to move back. "
Ce qui ne te tue pas, te rend plus fort
(What doesn't kill you makes you stronger)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A concept EVERYONE should keep in mind...
I saw this post on Facebook and it stood out:
"Sanity in family life is one of a child's most earnest needs
if healthy development is to be possible. In this context it means adults who,
for the most part, say what they mean and mean what they say."
The last thing I ever wanted this blog to be about was a doorway into my emotional psyche. I'm already stuck inside my own head and no one else deserves to be stuck in here with me. With that in mind, I will hold my tongue and keep from spilling out the diatribe that I really would like to commit to paper. I will, however, note that "sanity in family life" is not a concept I am familiar with. Not because those around me didn't say what they meant or mean what they said, but rather because when you're surrounded by emotionally unstable, volatile individuals, SANITY is often hard to come by.
The biggest lesson I have managed to learn growing up is that there comes a point in everyone's life where you have to STOP blaming your parents for screwing you up. They did what they did, when they did it, and whether or not their intentions were good or bad, makes no difference; once you're an adult, your decisions are your own. You can allow the ghosts of your past to continue to haunt you, or you can close the door and MOVE ON. I chose long ago to move on. I don't harbor any ill-will toward any of my parents (and I use the word "any" because if you know anything about my family life, you realize that I have a "biological set" and an "adopted/step" set). My life is what I make of it and although the experiences of my rearing have definitely shaped who I am today, I have the responsibility, no no, I have the OBLIGATION, not allow those experiences to continue shaping who I am in the future.
Children, on the other hand, don't yet have the presence of mind to determine ahead of time when their loved ones are screwing them up. They are constantly influenced by those around them and are acutely aware of things grown-ups naively believe go unnoticed. We have a duty to protect their innocence and raise them in a SANE environment. As an adult, YOU DO NOT have the right to make those around you miserable, particularly a child (and I'm not talking about discipline). If you're miserable and unhappy, deal with it yourself and don't take it out on those around you. If there is a problem/issue in your household, address the issue head on, seek out the TRUE cause of that issue, and come up with a solution. Children are children-they're messy and noisy and expensive-and although I do not have any of my own, I firmly believe they are a gift from our creator and are worth every bit of stress, every gray hair, and every penniless pocket book. Unless your kid is like Damian w/666 tattooed on his scalp, chances are that they are not the root cause of your problems-you are. Deal with it and get over yourself.
Family/friends, if any of the above makes you angry, deal with it and get over yourself. If you want to know what I REALLY think, ask me and I'll be more than happy to tell you to your face.
Good night.
if healthy development is to be possible. In this context it means adults who,
for the most part, say what they mean and mean what they say."
The last thing I ever wanted this blog to be about was a doorway into my emotional psyche. I'm already stuck inside my own head and no one else deserves to be stuck in here with me. With that in mind, I will hold my tongue and keep from spilling out the diatribe that I really would like to commit to paper. I will, however, note that "sanity in family life" is not a concept I am familiar with. Not because those around me didn't say what they meant or mean what they said, but rather because when you're surrounded by emotionally unstable, volatile individuals, SANITY is often hard to come by.
The biggest lesson I have managed to learn growing up is that there comes a point in everyone's life where you have to STOP blaming your parents for screwing you up. They did what they did, when they did it, and whether or not their intentions were good or bad, makes no difference; once you're an adult, your decisions are your own. You can allow the ghosts of your past to continue to haunt you, or you can close the door and MOVE ON. I chose long ago to move on. I don't harbor any ill-will toward any of my parents (and I use the word "any" because if you know anything about my family life, you realize that I have a "biological set" and an "adopted/step" set). My life is what I make of it and although the experiences of my rearing have definitely shaped who I am today, I have the responsibility, no no, I have the OBLIGATION, not allow those experiences to continue shaping who I am in the future.
Children, on the other hand, don't yet have the presence of mind to determine ahead of time when their loved ones are screwing them up. They are constantly influenced by those around them and are acutely aware of things grown-ups naively believe go unnoticed. We have a duty to protect their innocence and raise them in a SANE environment. As an adult, YOU DO NOT have the right to make those around you miserable, particularly a child (and I'm not talking about discipline). If you're miserable and unhappy, deal with it yourself and don't take it out on those around you. If there is a problem/issue in your household, address the issue head on, seek out the TRUE cause of that issue, and come up with a solution. Children are children-they're messy and noisy and expensive-and although I do not have any of my own, I firmly believe they are a gift from our creator and are worth every bit of stress, every gray hair, and every penniless pocket book. Unless your kid is like Damian w/666 tattooed on his scalp, chances are that they are not the root cause of your problems-you are. Deal with it and get over yourself.
Family/friends, if any of the above makes you angry, deal with it and get over yourself. If you want to know what I REALLY think, ask me and I'll be more than happy to tell you to your face.
Good night.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
My Long Hiatus
It's been long enough since my last post that I probably am long overdue for an explanation. I had typed out a lengthy story and saved it as a draft, but after re-reading the draft, the realization occurred to me that it contained just a little too much information that my friends and family DON'T need to know about me. So, I shall spare you all the details, after all, only my sister and closest confidant knows the whole truth and only the truth. Suffice it to say that I met a guy, things became very close, very fast, and now said guy and I are no longer together. Like everything I do, I gave 100% of myself over to the experience. The relationship lasted just shy of a month and I learned more than I thought I ever needed to know from him. That said, if I ever see that rat-bastard again, he better have my money or I'ma bust him in the kneecaps. Don't show your face 'round New Orleans, Evan. Just sayin.
In between that time and now, my social life has been relatively stagnant, which is strange for me. March had St Patrick's Day, which was a nice, welcomed celebration after the departure of Evan. After the parades, I danced the night away at the bar across the street from the apartment w/NOFD's finest and my neighbor Al, and I drank so much I woke up dizzy the next day; I STILL managed to make it to work!
April had me in Atlanta on business for a week-that's when my world changed. While I kinda knew it was coming, the news still managed to blindside me. My client told me that in order for me to eventually accept the promotion that I'd been being groomed for for the last year, I would HAVE to move back to Atlanta, she needed me nearby. I never really knew how much New Orleans meant to me until someone told me I'd have to leave, and I quite literally cried myself to sleep the night after my meeting. On paper, the decision is easy to make: more money, better status w/in the company, and (finally) a change from what I've been doing for the last 10+ years-no more "glass ceiling". The reality of such a decision is much more complicated, though.
Leaving New Orleans means leaving a part of Independent Jackie behind (if you're familiar w/Seinfeld, you'll understand the reference). It means no more community feeling where I can walk to everything beneath the shade of 200+ year old oak trees. It means no more street cars and 24hr washeterias where you can drink and play pool while your clothes play in the spin cycle. It means no more falling asleep to the sounds of the barges passing in the night as they traverse the Mississippi. It means no more bridges illuminated w/thousands of lights and the city as its backdrop, or sitting on my balcony listening to the cicadas amidst the warm, salty breeze coming off the ocean and marshes. It means no more fairs or festivals where everyone is happy to see you, you can ALWAYS find gator on a stick, and the biggest problem anyone has is to figure out if they should stop dancing or try and make it through another song before locating a port-o-let. And I won't even get started on the cuisine to which I have become so accustomed it's like I've lived nowhere else.
Returning to Atlanta means returning to all the drama and nonsense and pain I left behind that was the impetus of my leaving in the first place. It means returning to working 10-12 hour days and battling endless hours of traffic just to go and get something to eat. It means having to live amidst smog and stagnant air that only catches a breeze if a front is coming through. It means water restrictions and pollen counts long after spring has sprung. Returning to Atlanta means I have to be a different kind of Jackie in a different city with a different culture.
As you can see, I have struggled w/the decision a great deal. I tried to figure out if the reason why I was so upset at the prospect of having to move was just that I didn't want to leave New Orleans or if it was that I didn't want to return to Atlanta-they're two VERY different concepts. After a tremendous amount of contemplation, I've decided that its really both. I don't want to leave NOLA, but I'm also not jumping at the thought of returning to Atlanta. If my client had told me that I could have the job, but that I'd have to move to Chicago (for argument's sake), I still would have been upset, but probably not quite so distraught.
Now, obviously, we all know I'm going BACK to Atlanta. The facts remains that I no longer have a husband; I don't have any children; I have my cat and my career and that's easily transportable from one locale to another. If all of this sounds sad and depressing to you, it really isn't my intention. Happiness is what you make of it and I know I can find a way to be happy in Atlanta. After all, returning to Atlanta also means returning to family and friends and familiar, beautiful places, skylines that can be replicated nowhere else, and breathtaking changes of season. Most of life is in the little, simple moments, we just need to be observant enough to take notice. The ETA of my relocation is still up in the air; my company has not actually given me the job yet. We still have a lot of red tape to go through, but I'll keep you posted.
The rest of my life has been punctuated by the above. Amy came to visit in May, and as usual, we had a blast, but I kept wondering if this was going to be the last time we'd be able to hang out w/me as an actual resident, w/a physical home in my beloved city.
Becky and Brianna came to visit for Memorial Day at the end of May/beginning of June. I love when they come to visit and I cry every single time they leave. It will definitely be nice to be closer to them and be able to see my two favorite girls every week.
July brought the 4th and Brianna's first camping trip, albeit to an oil-stained Gulf Coast. The journey took me 8+ hours when it should have only taken 3 at most. I also managed to get myself into TWO separate car accidents on the way to Pensacola. That's what happens when I have to sit in traffic for so long when I've become UN-used to it! Look out Metro Atlanta motorists; Chappy is heading back to the city!!! Our holiday was definitely an experience! After the first night, when we slept through storms and wind, Brianna woke up and said "Mommy, I'm not a fan of sleeping in tents!". That kid cracks me up. We had a tremendous time, but I was EXHAUSTED when I got back.
And now we're in August. I have to be back in Atlanta for work the 23-27. I've tried to line up a couple of condo showings when I'm in town, but until my company actually gives me the job, I'm not moving. I've worked in Corporate America long enough to know that nothing is said and done until its signed, sealed, and delivered. Until then, I guess I'll need to keeping pickin 'em up and puttin 'em down waiting for someone to make a decision and pull the trigger. I do, however, need to get out of this mental funk that is keeping me from enjoying my last couple of months here as a resident. Depression is a bitch and I didn't really realize I was kinda feeling that way until I just wrote it down...... Eh...where's the bourbon?
In between that time and now, my social life has been relatively stagnant, which is strange for me. March had St Patrick's Day, which was a nice, welcomed celebration after the departure of Evan. After the parades, I danced the night away at the bar across the street from the apartment w/NOFD's finest and my neighbor Al, and I drank so much I woke up dizzy the next day; I STILL managed to make it to work!
April had me in Atlanta on business for a week-that's when my world changed. While I kinda knew it was coming, the news still managed to blindside me. My client told me that in order for me to eventually accept the promotion that I'd been being groomed for for the last year, I would HAVE to move back to Atlanta, she needed me nearby. I never really knew how much New Orleans meant to me until someone told me I'd have to leave, and I quite literally cried myself to sleep the night after my meeting. On paper, the decision is easy to make: more money, better status w/in the company, and (finally) a change from what I've been doing for the last 10+ years-no more "glass ceiling". The reality of such a decision is much more complicated, though.
Leaving New Orleans means leaving a part of Independent Jackie behind (if you're familiar w/Seinfeld, you'll understand the reference). It means no more community feeling where I can walk to everything beneath the shade of 200+ year old oak trees. It means no more street cars and 24hr washeterias where you can drink and play pool while your clothes play in the spin cycle. It means no more falling asleep to the sounds of the barges passing in the night as they traverse the Mississippi. It means no more bridges illuminated w/thousands of lights and the city as its backdrop, or sitting on my balcony listening to the cicadas amidst the warm, salty breeze coming off the ocean and marshes. It means no more fairs or festivals where everyone is happy to see you, you can ALWAYS find gator on a stick, and the biggest problem anyone has is to figure out if they should stop dancing or try and make it through another song before locating a port-o-let. And I won't even get started on the cuisine to which I have become so accustomed it's like I've lived nowhere else.
Returning to Atlanta means returning to all the drama and nonsense and pain I left behind that was the impetus of my leaving in the first place. It means returning to working 10-12 hour days and battling endless hours of traffic just to go and get something to eat. It means having to live amidst smog and stagnant air that only catches a breeze if a front is coming through. It means water restrictions and pollen counts long after spring has sprung. Returning to Atlanta means I have to be a different kind of Jackie in a different city with a different culture.
As you can see, I have struggled w/the decision a great deal. I tried to figure out if the reason why I was so upset at the prospect of having to move was just that I didn't want to leave New Orleans or if it was that I didn't want to return to Atlanta-they're two VERY different concepts. After a tremendous amount of contemplation, I've decided that its really both. I don't want to leave NOLA, but I'm also not jumping at the thought of returning to Atlanta. If my client had told me that I could have the job, but that I'd have to move to Chicago (for argument's sake), I still would have been upset, but probably not quite so distraught.
Now, obviously, we all know I'm going BACK to Atlanta. The facts remains that I no longer have a husband; I don't have any children; I have my cat and my career and that's easily transportable from one locale to another. If all of this sounds sad and depressing to you, it really isn't my intention. Happiness is what you make of it and I know I can find a way to be happy in Atlanta. After all, returning to Atlanta also means returning to family and friends and familiar, beautiful places, skylines that can be replicated nowhere else, and breathtaking changes of season. Most of life is in the little, simple moments, we just need to be observant enough to take notice. The ETA of my relocation is still up in the air; my company has not actually given me the job yet. We still have a lot of red tape to go through, but I'll keep you posted.
The rest of my life has been punctuated by the above. Amy came to visit in May, and as usual, we had a blast, but I kept wondering if this was going to be the last time we'd be able to hang out w/me as an actual resident, w/a physical home in my beloved city.
Becky and Brianna came to visit for Memorial Day at the end of May/beginning of June. I love when they come to visit and I cry every single time they leave. It will definitely be nice to be closer to them and be able to see my two favorite girls every week.
July brought the 4th and Brianna's first camping trip, albeit to an oil-stained Gulf Coast. The journey took me 8+ hours when it should have only taken 3 at most. I also managed to get myself into TWO separate car accidents on the way to Pensacola. That's what happens when I have to sit in traffic for so long when I've become UN-used to it! Look out Metro Atlanta motorists; Chappy is heading back to the city!!! Our holiday was definitely an experience! After the first night, when we slept through storms and wind, Brianna woke up and said "Mommy, I'm not a fan of sleeping in tents!". That kid cracks me up. We had a tremendous time, but I was EXHAUSTED when I got back.
And now we're in August. I have to be back in Atlanta for work the 23-27. I've tried to line up a couple of condo showings when I'm in town, but until my company actually gives me the job, I'm not moving. I've worked in Corporate America long enough to know that nothing is said and done until its signed, sealed, and delivered. Until then, I guess I'll need to keeping pickin 'em up and puttin 'em down waiting for someone to make a decision and pull the trigger. I do, however, need to get out of this mental funk that is keeping me from enjoying my last couple of months here as a resident. Depression is a bitch and I didn't really realize I was kinda feeling that way until I just wrote it down...... Eh...where's the bourbon?
Monday, March 1, 2010
I should know better by now
I'll have to explain in a later post, but right now, I need a cathartic release and this is the only form of cleansing my brain and heart can tolerate....too much booze 'ill get cha in trouble.
Because I will never be quite as eloquent as I'd like, I had to channel Cowboy Mouth and Shawn Mullins (a FAB artist from ATL, if you're not familiar) to bring about the catharsis:
Cowboy Mouth....
If I put my faith in someone who was only trying to bring me down
I will stand, where I am standing now
Should've known there'd be danger
When I saw your face in the crowd
I used to believe in the love songs
Took me so long to back down
Every word you say takes my breath away
But I should know better by now
Shawn Mullins...
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve given up on you
Well all the plans that you had
Like all the promises you make
I watched them come and go
When you go too far,
Beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful
A beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful wreck
Because I will never be quite as eloquent as I'd like, I had to channel Cowboy Mouth and Shawn Mullins (a FAB artist from ATL, if you're not familiar) to bring about the catharsis:
Cowboy Mouth....
If I put my faith in someone who was only trying to bring me down
I will stand, where I am standing now
Should've known there'd be danger
When I saw your face in the crowd
I used to believe in the love songs
Took me so long to back down
Every word you say takes my breath away
But I should know better by now
Shawn Mullins...
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve given up on you
Well all the plans that you had
Like all the promises you make
I watched them come and go
When you go too far,
Beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful
A beautiful wreck you are
What a beautiful, such a beautiful wreck
Bacchus Ball 2010
With Mardi Gras comes the Bacchus Ball. And ya'll know me-any chance to put on a fancy gown, some faux jewelry, get my hair did, and go out and party, I'm there.
I hadn't gotten a chance to upload the photos from the ball to the blog just yet-they've been on Facebook for a bit....sorry family! Although some of the newness had worn off, I had a great time. Matthew's family was as wonderful as the first time I met them-always hospitable and warm. Thank you guys for the tickets-hopefully I'll have a date next year!
Drew Brees, King Bacchus 2010, was so adorable and this was the first time in the history of Bacchus that a woman (Drew's wife) was allowed to ride on a float. The opening band was great (forgive me, but I'm totally blanking on who they were) and the place was PACKED! It took FOREVER to get all the floats through the convention center, and I was actually tired by the time it was all said and done-it's hell gettin' old!
Here ya go:
I hadn't gotten a chance to upload the photos from the ball to the blog just yet-they've been on Facebook for a bit....sorry family! Although some of the newness had worn off, I had a great time. Matthew's family was as wonderful as the first time I met them-always hospitable and warm. Thank you guys for the tickets-hopefully I'll have a date next year!
Drew Brees, King Bacchus 2010, was so adorable and this was the first time in the history of Bacchus that a woman (Drew's wife) was allowed to ride on a float. The opening band was great (forgive me, but I'm totally blanking on who they were) and the place was PACKED! It took FOREVER to get all the floats through the convention center, and I was actually tired by the time it was all said and done-it's hell gettin' old!
Here ya go:
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Happy Mardi Gras!!
It's that time of year again....I know the folks who've lived here their whole lives are totally over the whole "Mardi Gras" thing, but I LOVE it! The parades, the merriment, the balls-bring it on!
Becky and Brianna came down for some of the festivities. Fat Tuesday itself is not until February 16, 2010, but since they'd never been down here for any part of the Carnivale Season, I thought it would be good to ease 'em into the whole experience. After all, dropping them in the middle of St Charles Avenue on Tuesday might have been more than they could handle, and Bourbon Street is DEFINITELY not some place I couldn't take my 3yr old niece-ESPECIALLY on Mardi Gras.
Bearing the above in mind, when my two favorite girls were here visiting, off parading we went. It was BRUTALLY cold and windy here (which lead to me taking sick after Beck and Bri left), but I think everyone had a great time. I always miss Becky and Brianna when they leave-more than words could ever express.
Here are some of the pics. Brianna has struck up a friendship w/Lanie Murray (the daughter of one of my friends) and she's the other little girl you'll see in some of the pics. The Bacchus Ball is tomorrow. Got my gown all lined up and ready to go! Those pics will be forthcoming....HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!
Becky and Brianna came down for some of the festivities. Fat Tuesday itself is not until February 16, 2010, but since they'd never been down here for any part of the Carnivale Season, I thought it would be good to ease 'em into the whole experience. After all, dropping them in the middle of St Charles Avenue on Tuesday might have been more than they could handle, and Bourbon Street is DEFINITELY not some place I couldn't take my 3yr old niece-ESPECIALLY on Mardi Gras.
Bearing the above in mind, when my two favorite girls were here visiting, off parading we went. It was BRUTALLY cold and windy here (which lead to me taking sick after Beck and Bri left), but I think everyone had a great time. I always miss Becky and Brianna when they leave-more than words could ever express.
Here are some of the pics. Brianna has struck up a friendship w/Lanie Murray (the daughter of one of my friends) and she's the other little girl you'll see in some of the pics. The Bacchus Ball is tomorrow. Got my gown all lined up and ready to go! Those pics will be forthcoming....HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I Believe
Unless you've been living under a rock somewhere, you know that the Saints recently won the Super Bowl. Its nearly impossible NOT to become enveloped by the love this city has for its team and it's even more difficult to articulate exactly how much joy has been ringing through the parishes for days upon days. The pride of all who live here is infectious, and I'm so happy to have been a part of witnessing history. I will remember this Super Bowl and the emotions I felt, as well as the emotions felt by all around me, for the rest of my life. What an incredible day!
The more and more I pontificate on my decision to relocate, the more and more I stand convinced the move was the best decision I've made for my life. In trying to find a song to correspond to the happiness I feel, "I Believe" by Cowboy Mouth immediately came to mind. I've always been a huge fan of the band, founded here in the great city of New Orleans, and if I ever meet Fred LeBlanc on the streets, with his remarkably deep voice and high energy, I may very well swoon. Let's just hope I'm standing near a patch of grass when that happens....
I couldn't locate the song to upload it to the playlist that plays w/my blog, so the lyrics below will have to do along w/a link to the band playing the song live. The song is so filled with hope and faith that the lyrics have moved me to point where I am w/out speech. I'm with ya, Fred; I believe in the power of love and that New Orleans is always gonna be my home...
I Believe
Cowboy Mouth
Whatcha gonna do with the restlessness inside you worried mind
How you think you're ever gonna get ahead when you feel so far behind
Step inside this endless moment for a subtle touch of grace
I've always found my strength inside the act of faith
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal strength of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody's gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the sounds of Sam and Dave
That little children should occasionally misbehave
That all that you get is all that you gave
I believe in the power of love
Little boy staring out a windowsill to a world that doesn't care
Everybody 'round is so much bigger that they don't even know he's there
But one day he's going to grow to be a man and maybe then they'll see
He'll provide the hope and care for the family
I believe in the chance of love at fist site
That your life doesn't always have to be a fight
And if you do it at all you ought to do it right
I believe in the power of love
I believe that sometimes you got to take a stand
That you're holding my heart when you're holding my hand
Cause everything eventually is in gods hands
I believe in the power of love
I have got to take the best of me and keep that heart alive
Why'd I ever want to shut that down and kill my soul?
I believe that sometimes you've got to take a chance
That you can't live your life just listening to can't's
Cause the thrill of the ball's part of the thrill of the dance
I believe in the power of love
I believe that we never really are alone
'Cause there's so much more than anything we've known
New Orleans is always gonna be my home
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal strength of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody's gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the power of love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCeX6ZRB6HM
The more and more I pontificate on my decision to relocate, the more and more I stand convinced the move was the best decision I've made for my life. In trying to find a song to correspond to the happiness I feel, "I Believe" by Cowboy Mouth immediately came to mind. I've always been a huge fan of the band, founded here in the great city of New Orleans, and if I ever meet Fred LeBlanc on the streets, with his remarkably deep voice and high energy, I may very well swoon. Let's just hope I'm standing near a patch of grass when that happens....
I couldn't locate the song to upload it to the playlist that plays w/my blog, so the lyrics below will have to do along w/a link to the band playing the song live. The song is so filled with hope and faith that the lyrics have moved me to point where I am w/out speech. I'm with ya, Fred; I believe in the power of love and that New Orleans is always gonna be my home...
I Believe
Cowboy Mouth
Whatcha gonna do with the restlessness inside you worried mind
How you think you're ever gonna get ahead when you feel so far behind
Step inside this endless moment for a subtle touch of grace
I've always found my strength inside the act of faith
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal strength of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody's gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the sounds of Sam and Dave
That little children should occasionally misbehave
That all that you get is all that you gave
I believe in the power of love
Little boy staring out a windowsill to a world that doesn't care
Everybody 'round is so much bigger that they don't even know he's there
But one day he's going to grow to be a man and maybe then they'll see
He'll provide the hope and care for the family
I believe in the chance of love at fist site
That your life doesn't always have to be a fight
And if you do it at all you ought to do it right
I believe in the power of love
I believe that sometimes you got to take a stand
That you're holding my heart when you're holding my hand
Cause everything eventually is in gods hands
I believe in the power of love
I have got to take the best of me and keep that heart alive
Why'd I ever want to shut that down and kill my soul?
I believe that sometimes you've got to take a chance
That you can't live your life just listening to can't's
Cause the thrill of the ball's part of the thrill of the dance
I believe in the power of love
I believe that we never really are alone
'Cause there's so much more than anything we've known
New Orleans is always gonna be my home
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal strength of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody's gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the power of love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCeX6ZRB6HM
Saturday, January 23, 2010
2009-A Year in Review
Seems the month of January got away from me! We're already 23 days into 2010, and I'm just now sitting down to write this entry. Its not that I haven't had the time, I just too often find that I have a difficult time articulating myself-shocking, I know-and writing gets put on the back burner.
2009 was challenging, to say the least. I had to learn to live completely by myself, in a strange and new place. I've never had to live alone before, to only be responsible for answering to myself. The beginning of the year found me running loose in the city, not quite sure WHAT to do w/my newly found independence. To say that I was a little reckless would probably be putting it mildly. I was entirely UN-Jackie-like. A little carelessness was part of what I needed, though, to start putting away the past and looking toward a new future. Don't worry, Mom, drugs never entered into the picture; I'm just a little too afraid of dying (and losing my job) to cross that line.
I also had to say goodbye to my best friend and companion for the last 11 years, Miss Dallas. She was my cornerstone for my entire adult life, and although I've had to say goodbye to pets before, nothing was as hard as losing Dallas. She fought a brave and courageous battle against cancer and chronic kidney failure, but in the end, the disease was simply too much for her to bear. I miss her every single day. Levi and I have both had to make the transition to being without Dallas, something that's proven very difficult for the two of us. Rest in peace, Sweet Pea.
Work has been just that-work. It's taken some time to get used to the different personalities and temperaments in my new office. I left a nice, new, big, close-to-a window cubical in a 21 story high-rise office building where most people came dressed in suits and ties everyday, to work in a 5 story, pretty shoddy building, in a cubical that has relatively poor light and is nowhere near a window. I can't tell if its day or night outside-it's like working in a strip club w/out the nakedness or the alcohol. I'm fortunate, though, to have made a few close friends in the new office-they're truly great people who have definitely made my transition easier.
Toward the end of 2009, I began volunteering at Children's Hospital here in the city. Some days are more active than others-I occasionally just answer phones and do paperwork-but every bit of help is needed and appreciated by the staff and the patients. While I knew it would be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, I can honestly say I love working at the hospital. It has definitely given me a new found appreciation for the nursing staff and every parent who has had to deal with a sick/injured child.
For 2010, my goals are simple. First, I've got to move out of this apartment. I adore the location, and I love the quaint charm and character of the building, but I'm ready for some modern day convenience. A bathtub and a dishwasher would be nice. Off-street parking would be good too. Summer temps will settle into New Orleans sooner than I care to imagine, and the thought of having another $300 electric bill for ONE month, in a 450 sq ft apartment, makes my stomach turn.
Second, its time to step up my philanthropic work. In a town surrounded by corrupt politicians, New Orleans is a city that has so much need. I've found a battered woman's shelter through the Catholic Charities that needs volunteers to prepare and serve meals that I hope to be able to sign up with very soon. I'd also like to organize a team of folks to work at a Habitat for Humanity home one Saturday. Unfortunately, though, I'm finding that many of the people in my office are not exactly inclined to want to give much of their time to help others. Don't get me wrong, there are a FEW folks, but the second I mentioned that I'd need a commitment for ONE WHOLE Saturday, I got a whole lot of push back from the majority. I guess one of my side goals needs to be to learn how to persuade and influence people!
Third, I want to start expanding my horizons by trying new things. That's why, starting next Tuesday, I will begin a weekly painting class. I bought my brushes this past Friday along w/some acrylic paint. My mother is a wonderful artist and designer, and honestly, I have no idea if any of that ability passed on down to me, but I'm certainly willing to take a stab and find out! If painting doesn't work out, maybe pottery will. If that doesn't take, I don't know....maybe try my hand at paper mache?
Fourth, and finally, I need to get back to taking care of me-eating right, exercising and yoga, vitamins, etc. etc. etc. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I think it's my body and mind's way of telling me that after a year, they're ready to get re-centered. I still don't know how I feel about dating-I've yet to meet a single man here who's peaked my interest (except maybe one up at the hunting camp that I met over New Year's....but that's a story for later!). We'll see. Everything happens when it's supposed to.
So for now, that's my recap of 2009 and my goals for 2010. I'm excited about what this year holds in store and am looking forward to Mardi Gras, crawfish boils, crabbing, and festivals, to name a few. Out with the old, and in with the new!
2009 was challenging, to say the least. I had to learn to live completely by myself, in a strange and new place. I've never had to live alone before, to only be responsible for answering to myself. The beginning of the year found me running loose in the city, not quite sure WHAT to do w/my newly found independence. To say that I was a little reckless would probably be putting it mildly. I was entirely UN-Jackie-like. A little carelessness was part of what I needed, though, to start putting away the past and looking toward a new future. Don't worry, Mom, drugs never entered into the picture; I'm just a little too afraid of dying (and losing my job) to cross that line.
I also had to say goodbye to my best friend and companion for the last 11 years, Miss Dallas. She was my cornerstone for my entire adult life, and although I've had to say goodbye to pets before, nothing was as hard as losing Dallas. She fought a brave and courageous battle against cancer and chronic kidney failure, but in the end, the disease was simply too much for her to bear. I miss her every single day. Levi and I have both had to make the transition to being without Dallas, something that's proven very difficult for the two of us. Rest in peace, Sweet Pea.
Work has been just that-work. It's taken some time to get used to the different personalities and temperaments in my new office. I left a nice, new, big, close-to-a window cubical in a 21 story high-rise office building where most people came dressed in suits and ties everyday, to work in a 5 story, pretty shoddy building, in a cubical that has relatively poor light and is nowhere near a window. I can't tell if its day or night outside-it's like working in a strip club w/out the nakedness or the alcohol. I'm fortunate, though, to have made a few close friends in the new office-they're truly great people who have definitely made my transition easier.
Toward the end of 2009, I began volunteering at Children's Hospital here in the city. Some days are more active than others-I occasionally just answer phones and do paperwork-but every bit of help is needed and appreciated by the staff and the patients. While I knew it would be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, I can honestly say I love working at the hospital. It has definitely given me a new found appreciation for the nursing staff and every parent who has had to deal with a sick/injured child.
For 2010, my goals are simple. First, I've got to move out of this apartment. I adore the location, and I love the quaint charm and character of the building, but I'm ready for some modern day convenience. A bathtub and a dishwasher would be nice. Off-street parking would be good too. Summer temps will settle into New Orleans sooner than I care to imagine, and the thought of having another $300 electric bill for ONE month, in a 450 sq ft apartment, makes my stomach turn.
Second, its time to step up my philanthropic work. In a town surrounded by corrupt politicians, New Orleans is a city that has so much need. I've found a battered woman's shelter through the Catholic Charities that needs volunteers to prepare and serve meals that I hope to be able to sign up with very soon. I'd also like to organize a team of folks to work at a Habitat for Humanity home one Saturday. Unfortunately, though, I'm finding that many of the people in my office are not exactly inclined to want to give much of their time to help others. Don't get me wrong, there are a FEW folks, but the second I mentioned that I'd need a commitment for ONE WHOLE Saturday, I got a whole lot of push back from the majority. I guess one of my side goals needs to be to learn how to persuade and influence people!
Third, I want to start expanding my horizons by trying new things. That's why, starting next Tuesday, I will begin a weekly painting class. I bought my brushes this past Friday along w/some acrylic paint. My mother is a wonderful artist and designer, and honestly, I have no idea if any of that ability passed on down to me, but I'm certainly willing to take a stab and find out! If painting doesn't work out, maybe pottery will. If that doesn't take, I don't know....maybe try my hand at paper mache?
Fourth, and finally, I need to get back to taking care of me-eating right, exercising and yoga, vitamins, etc. etc. etc. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I think it's my body and mind's way of telling me that after a year, they're ready to get re-centered. I still don't know how I feel about dating-I've yet to meet a single man here who's peaked my interest (except maybe one up at the hunting camp that I met over New Year's....but that's a story for later!). We'll see. Everything happens when it's supposed to.
So for now, that's my recap of 2009 and my goals for 2010. I'm excited about what this year holds in store and am looking forward to Mardi Gras, crawfish boils, crabbing, and festivals, to name a few. Out with the old, and in with the new!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
374 Days Later
A sobering thought occurred to me a couple of days ago: I've been in New Orleans for an entire year already.... A whole year has passed since I packed up my gear and left Atlanta.... 52 weeks have lapsed since the day I officially moved out of the house I shared with my husband in Commerce to move to a town where I knew no one. So much has happened in the passing of a year that it's difficult to wrap my head around it all.
I don't regret leaving Georgia. It was the only way Ronnie was ever going to fully understand that our marriage was over, and Lord knows I needed a fresh start-a break from the lunacy. Between everything I went through because of the false allegations of a disgruntled employee, to the personal struggles I went through to end a 13 year relationship, let me just say a big "Thank you" to the man who invented anti-depressants! God bless you, my friend. The expression "beautiful disaster" certainly comes to mind.
When I made the decision to move to Louisiana, I told myself I'd give it at least two years to make a final decision on whether or not I'd stay in New Orleans for any length of time. It's a big decision to relocate, one that takes a good deal of planning for ahead of time. Recently, I've been contemplating whether or not to move back to Atlanta at the end of my self-imposed two year timeline, move down to FLA to be closer to my grandparents, or to simply stay here.
I love where I live in NOLA. My apartment has character and history, and even though the floors and walls aren't straight, the kitchen is the size of a closet, and I have no off-street parking, I'm happy here. I have everything I need within walking distance-bars, shops, pharmacy, grocery, coffee shops. There's always something to do if I feel like going out to a movie or a club, and if I feel like staying in, I'm perfectly at my leisure to do so. I'd prefer to have some single friends with whom I had something in common, but at this point in my life, married, settled friends are nice-there's no pressure there. In a way, the situation has actually given me time to grieve and deal with the emotional baggage and loss that comes with divorce. I'm still a long way from being at a point where I'd like to be in another relationship, and frankly, I'm not certain if I'll ever want to get married again, but I feel like I'm making progress sorting everything out.
I haven't made up my mind what I want to do regarding my home base, but thankfully, I still have more time to make a decision. I do know that I miss my friends and family so much that it physically hurts my heart sometimes. I long for lunches w/Amy, seeing my niece all the time, going to hockey games w/Jenn, and having our girls nights w/many bottles of wine and Apples to Apples. I yearn to see the sunsets in GA over the breathtaking downtown skyline and God, I miss good barbecue and soul food like you can only get in the A!
Until I can make a final choice on where to live long term, I'm looking forward to my first real Christmas in New Orleans (I didn't really celebrate last year since I'd just moved in) and I'm counting the many blessings I've had over this past year in my new home. I honestly wasn't too sure I'd make it, but I guess they call it "faith" for a reason.....
I don't regret leaving Georgia. It was the only way Ronnie was ever going to fully understand that our marriage was over, and Lord knows I needed a fresh start-a break from the lunacy. Between everything I went through because of the false allegations of a disgruntled employee, to the personal struggles I went through to end a 13 year relationship, let me just say a big "Thank you" to the man who invented anti-depressants! God bless you, my friend. The expression "beautiful disaster" certainly comes to mind.
When I made the decision to move to Louisiana, I told myself I'd give it at least two years to make a final decision on whether or not I'd stay in New Orleans for any length of time. It's a big decision to relocate, one that takes a good deal of planning for ahead of time. Recently, I've been contemplating whether or not to move back to Atlanta at the end of my self-imposed two year timeline, move down to FLA to be closer to my grandparents, or to simply stay here.
I love where I live in NOLA. My apartment has character and history, and even though the floors and walls aren't straight, the kitchen is the size of a closet, and I have no off-street parking, I'm happy here. I have everything I need within walking distance-bars, shops, pharmacy, grocery, coffee shops. There's always something to do if I feel like going out to a movie or a club, and if I feel like staying in, I'm perfectly at my leisure to do so. I'd prefer to have some single friends with whom I had something in common, but at this point in my life, married, settled friends are nice-there's no pressure there. In a way, the situation has actually given me time to grieve and deal with the emotional baggage and loss that comes with divorce. I'm still a long way from being at a point where I'd like to be in another relationship, and frankly, I'm not certain if I'll ever want to get married again, but I feel like I'm making progress sorting everything out.
I haven't made up my mind what I want to do regarding my home base, but thankfully, I still have more time to make a decision. I do know that I miss my friends and family so much that it physically hurts my heart sometimes. I long for lunches w/Amy, seeing my niece all the time, going to hockey games w/Jenn, and having our girls nights w/many bottles of wine and Apples to Apples. I yearn to see the sunsets in GA over the breathtaking downtown skyline and God, I miss good barbecue and soul food like you can only get in the A!
Until I can make a final choice on where to live long term, I'm looking forward to my first real Christmas in New Orleans (I didn't really celebrate last year since I'd just moved in) and I'm counting the many blessings I've had over this past year in my new home. I honestly wasn't too sure I'd make it, but I guess they call it "faith" for a reason.....
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
And the Award goes to....
Many thanks to the lovely Katrina for my Kreativ Blogger Award! http://anotherbrooksbaby.blogspot.com/
Here are The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Check)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. (Check)
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. (Check)
4. Write 7 things about yourself that people may not know. (See Below)
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers. (Umm, I don't know 7 bloggers, so.....)
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. (See #5 above)
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they’ve been nominated. (Again, #5)
Seven Things You Might Not Know About Me:
1. I believe it's possible to love your animals MORE than some human beings and still NOT be certifiable.
2. Despite how much I loathe indecision in other people, I, myself, often suffer from the inability to make swift decisions (and I HATE that about myself).
3. I really wish I had a closer relationship with my mother.
4. I hope to retire early and live out my days on a while sailboat w/a huge white sail, drifting about the Caribbean.
5. I don't know how to sail.
6. I think the key to a happy existence is in learning not to worry about the things out of your control, learning to forgive yourself and others (INCLUDING your parents), seizing happiness whenever it abounds, and learning to appreciate the simple things in life: a good song, the intoxicating smell of a good-looking man, the delicate, warm breeze off the ocean, the laughter of a child, an ice-cold beer.
7. I have freakishly small hands and salt my food in a highly unusual manner.
Here are The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Check)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. (Check)
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. (Check)
4. Write 7 things about yourself that people may not know. (See Below)
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers. (Umm, I don't know 7 bloggers, so.....)
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. (See #5 above)
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they’ve been nominated. (Again, #5)
Seven Things You Might Not Know About Me:
1. I believe it's possible to love your animals MORE than some human beings and still NOT be certifiable.
2. Despite how much I loathe indecision in other people, I, myself, often suffer from the inability to make swift decisions (and I HATE that about myself).
3. I really wish I had a closer relationship with my mother.
4. I hope to retire early and live out my days on a while sailboat w/a huge white sail, drifting about the Caribbean.
5. I don't know how to sail.
6. I think the key to a happy existence is in learning not to worry about the things out of your control, learning to forgive yourself and others (INCLUDING your parents), seizing happiness whenever it abounds, and learning to appreciate the simple things in life: a good song, the intoxicating smell of a good-looking man, the delicate, warm breeze off the ocean, the laughter of a child, an ice-cold beer.
7. I have freakishly small hands and salt my food in a highly unusual manner.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
31 years in, and I still feel no wiser
Amidst the flurrie of activity last week, I haven't really had much time to sit and think. Things are getting easier, after losing Dallas, but being gone for a week made me feel remarkably guilty. Levi was at home for 4 1/2 days w/only occasional human interaction when my neighbor came over to feed him. The second I walked in the door, he was stuck to me like glue. Of course, by that time, I was so exhausted from little, restful sleep over the course of the week that all I did was rest. To that end, sleep was essentially all I did today too, but Levi was content to snuggle up next to me and/or sleep on my head....he was happy just to know I was home!
My 31st birthday was this past week. I had dinner w/my closest girlfriends, who, for all intents and purposes, are actually my sisters. As Brooke and I were talking, I came to the realization that I have, absolutely, no idea how I got here. I blinked and high school was gone. I closed my eyes for just one second and college had flown by. Marriage, divorce, birth, death, moving, and changing.....all have happened in my lifetime, and at 31, I sit here, amazed, by how quickly time has passed.
Along w/the realization of the constantly flowing hourglass came a tremendous amount of sadness. Being married to Ronnie meant sacrificing most of the relationships I had w/friends and spending less time w/my family. He never cared for any of my friends and the only real people he wanted to spend any time w/were his own family members. Don't get me wrong, when we lived in Commerce, I wasn't too keen on driving all over God's Green Earth to see everyone all the time either, but telling him that I was going out for Girl's Night and was planning on just spending the night at one of the girl's houses produced so much arguing that I chucked my friends to the curb just to NOT have to deal w/him. At dinner on Thursday night, talking about bachlorette parties, weddings, showers, get togethers etc., I realized exactly how much I've missed out on, how many memories I don't have.
Most of my friends are now married and having kids, and I don't feel like I'm ANYWHERE close to being ready for any of it. The divorce seems like it was just yesterday. I still, in my head at least, feel like I'm a lot younger than I actually am, and feel like I have plenty of time. The reality, though, is that none of us know how much time we actually have. The best any of us can do is make the most of the time we have.
I'm 31 now, how I got here I still have no idea, but from now through every day in the future, I will continue to live my life to the fullest, love the people I can (making sure they KNOW how much I love them), and make as many memories as possible. I may not be able to take any of my material things with me from one life to the next, but the imprinting left on my soul through the love and happiness I receive out of being with those I care about will undoubtedly stay with me forever.
My 31st birthday was this past week. I had dinner w/my closest girlfriends, who, for all intents and purposes, are actually my sisters. As Brooke and I were talking, I came to the realization that I have, absolutely, no idea how I got here. I blinked and high school was gone. I closed my eyes for just one second and college had flown by. Marriage, divorce, birth, death, moving, and changing.....all have happened in my lifetime, and at 31, I sit here, amazed, by how quickly time has passed.
Along w/the realization of the constantly flowing hourglass came a tremendous amount of sadness. Being married to Ronnie meant sacrificing most of the relationships I had w/friends and spending less time w/my family. He never cared for any of my friends and the only real people he wanted to spend any time w/were his own family members. Don't get me wrong, when we lived in Commerce, I wasn't too keen on driving all over God's Green Earth to see everyone all the time either, but telling him that I was going out for Girl's Night and was planning on just spending the night at one of the girl's houses produced so much arguing that I chucked my friends to the curb just to NOT have to deal w/him. At dinner on Thursday night, talking about bachlorette parties, weddings, showers, get togethers etc., I realized exactly how much I've missed out on, how many memories I don't have.
Most of my friends are now married and having kids, and I don't feel like I'm ANYWHERE close to being ready for any of it. The divorce seems like it was just yesterday. I still, in my head at least, feel like I'm a lot younger than I actually am, and feel like I have plenty of time. The reality, though, is that none of us know how much time we actually have. The best any of us can do is make the most of the time we have.
I'm 31 now, how I got here I still have no idea, but from now through every day in the future, I will continue to live my life to the fullest, love the people I can (making sure they KNOW how much I love them), and make as many memories as possible. I may not be able to take any of my material things with me from one life to the next, but the imprinting left on my soul through the love and happiness I receive out of being with those I care about will undoubtedly stay with me forever.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
No Air
This entry is going to take me awhile to get through because I have to keep stopping to wipe away my tears. I had to say goodbye to Dallas on Monday and my heart and soul ache.
Before I moved out here last year, I took both Levi and Dallas in for check-ups and shots. It was at this visit that Dallas was diagnosed w/breast cancer. After running a more comprehensive blood panel, they also determined that she was in renal failure. Having lost both Shaky and Zeke to CRF, I was not about to lose my Sweet Pea to the same damned disease.
Dallas' doctor and I came up with a game plan-come out w/all guns firing. After spending 3 days in the hospital on IV fluids, the vet determined it was safe enough to proceed with the surgery to remove the tumor. Because cancer tends to metastasize easily in both humans and cats, the decision was made to remove the entire mammary chain (the equivalent of a complete mastectomy rather than just lump removal). As you can imagine, the surgery was rough; Dallas developed complications that are common after surgery, even for people....fluid build-up around the lungs, for example. What made this time so much more difficult was that I was going through the end stages of the divorce and not even living w/Dallas at the time. In the end, she came through the surgery and only ended up popping one staple.
Several weeks later, both Dallas and Levi were with me in the moving van, driving to New Orleans to begin our new life. My Baby Girl endured constant trials in our attempt to manage the renal failure-daily fluid injections, meds of every kind put down her throat, routine bouts of nausea and vomiting, recurring ulcers and constipation-you name it, and she had it. Through all the treatments and side effects, though, Dallas bared everything w/strength and grace.
Dallas was my rock and my touchstone. She was my 20th birthday present and I chose her specifically. I can remember the day I got her, exactly what I was wearing, and how I felt holding her the first time. She slept curled up in the top of my overalls ALL the way to the vet to be checked out! Ronnie frequently made quips that I loved her more than I did him, and sitting here right now, it's hard to say such a statement ISN'T true in some respects. One of the hardest parts of going through my separation was having to leave my baby behind. The trips I made up there every week were JUST to spend time with Dallas and Levi.
Dallas saw me through everything : she stayed up with me during my late night cramming sessions for college, played with me when I was bored around the house, sat on top of my desk when I worked from home, and tried to comfort me every time Ronnie and I fought-w/out fail, amidst the shouting and yelling, Dallas would come and find me in whatever room I was in trying to get away from the husband, crawl up on my lap, give me a reassuring meow and corresponding head-butt, and snuggle up next to me until I stopped crying.
The day Dallas died, I felt like I lived an entire week in one day. Driving home from the doctor's office, I couldn't catch my breath...it just wasn't possible to fill my lungs w/air. Some will think me silly for placing so much emphasis on the life of a cat, treating the loss like it was that of a human being. I don't have children, and I may never-only God knows the ultimate outcome of that topic. I do know, however, that I treat my animals LIKE they are my kids-I teach them manners and how to behave; I take them to the doctor for wellness visits and when they're sick; I'm concerned with what they eat and try to ensure they get adequate nutrition; I brush them to make sure they're groomed properly and not looking wild; and I love them with everything I have. For all of this, I think I am entitled to my grief.
I know this gets easier. At 30, I've lived through enough to know that "this too shall pass". Eventually, I won't think I see Dallas everywhere, or mistake that I hear her meowing from another room. Sometime, wanting to take a nap and knowing that she won't be there to curl up under the covers with me will be easier to take. One day, the thought of coming home and NOT seeing her there won't hurt so badly. Until that day, though, its just me and Levi trying to cope with missing our best friend.
No Air
Jordan Sparks
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
If there was a way that I could make you understand
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
With no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care
So how do you expect me
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air.
Before I moved out here last year, I took both Levi and Dallas in for check-ups and shots. It was at this visit that Dallas was diagnosed w/breast cancer. After running a more comprehensive blood panel, they also determined that she was in renal failure. Having lost both Shaky and Zeke to CRF, I was not about to lose my Sweet Pea to the same damned disease.
Dallas' doctor and I came up with a game plan-come out w/all guns firing. After spending 3 days in the hospital on IV fluids, the vet determined it was safe enough to proceed with the surgery to remove the tumor. Because cancer tends to metastasize easily in both humans and cats, the decision was made to remove the entire mammary chain (the equivalent of a complete mastectomy rather than just lump removal). As you can imagine, the surgery was rough; Dallas developed complications that are common after surgery, even for people....fluid build-up around the lungs, for example. What made this time so much more difficult was that I was going through the end stages of the divorce and not even living w/Dallas at the time. In the end, she came through the surgery and only ended up popping one staple.
Several weeks later, both Dallas and Levi were with me in the moving van, driving to New Orleans to begin our new life. My Baby Girl endured constant trials in our attempt to manage the renal failure-daily fluid injections, meds of every kind put down her throat, routine bouts of nausea and vomiting, recurring ulcers and constipation-you name it, and she had it. Through all the treatments and side effects, though, Dallas bared everything w/strength and grace.
Dallas was my rock and my touchstone. She was my 20th birthday present and I chose her specifically. I can remember the day I got her, exactly what I was wearing, and how I felt holding her the first time. She slept curled up in the top of my overalls ALL the way to the vet to be checked out! Ronnie frequently made quips that I loved her more than I did him, and sitting here right now, it's hard to say such a statement ISN'T true in some respects. One of the hardest parts of going through my separation was having to leave my baby behind. The trips I made up there every week were JUST to spend time with Dallas and Levi.
Dallas saw me through everything : she stayed up with me during my late night cramming sessions for college, played with me when I was bored around the house, sat on top of my desk when I worked from home, and tried to comfort me every time Ronnie and I fought-w/out fail, amidst the shouting and yelling, Dallas would come and find me in whatever room I was in trying to get away from the husband, crawl up on my lap, give me a reassuring meow and corresponding head-butt, and snuggle up next to me until I stopped crying.
The day Dallas died, I felt like I lived an entire week in one day. Driving home from the doctor's office, I couldn't catch my breath...it just wasn't possible to fill my lungs w/air. Some will think me silly for placing so much emphasis on the life of a cat, treating the loss like it was that of a human being. I don't have children, and I may never-only God knows the ultimate outcome of that topic. I do know, however, that I treat my animals LIKE they are my kids-I teach them manners and how to behave; I take them to the doctor for wellness visits and when they're sick; I'm concerned with what they eat and try to ensure they get adequate nutrition; I brush them to make sure they're groomed properly and not looking wild; and I love them with everything I have. For all of this, I think I am entitled to my grief.
I know this gets easier. At 30, I've lived through enough to know that "this too shall pass". Eventually, I won't think I see Dallas everywhere, or mistake that I hear her meowing from another room. Sometime, wanting to take a nap and knowing that she won't be there to curl up under the covers with me will be easier to take. One day, the thought of coming home and NOT seeing her there won't hurt so badly. Until that day, though, its just me and Levi trying to cope with missing our best friend.
No Air
Jordan Sparks
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
If there was a way that I could make you understand
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
With no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't know how but I don't even care
So how do you expect me
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
There's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon' be without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Work, work, work and more work
This week has been pretty hectic. I had my client in town, and an internal person new to my client's program, along w/a whole host of activities, dinners, meetings, etc. to attend and help coordinate. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy every minute of it, despite how mentally draining some of the events were. To be quite honest, though, I even enjoyed the brain-zapping mediation sessions, and no, I'm not a masochist. I just really, REALLY like what I do for a living-not in the way becoming a doctor would have been emotionally and psychologically rewarding; we all know that I'm not changing the world by adjusting claims and managing a desk. This job has its definite challenges and it helps to be able to "think outside the box" and get creative sometimes. Anyone who knows me knows I love a challenge and love to argue, so part of the fun I find in my job is being able to discover a way around the challenge/obstacles to get to a final resolution. Plus, I relish putting events together and I'm never happier than when I'm socializing (particularly with clients/prospective clients).
After meetings the better part of Tuesday, and dinner with some of my client's local counsel (we went to Dickie Brennan's Steakhouse in the Quarter-yum!) Tuesday night, Wednesday was spent in mediation with my client and another one of their attorneys. Thankfully, the case settled at mediation-Hallelujah! That night, our attorney took us to dinner in the Uptown section of NOLA (nearby to where I live). Since my client is from out of town, she hadn't really spent much time Uptown, and being the walking encyclopedia that he is regarding all things New Orleans, our attorney made the night delightful! Dinner was had at Lilette off Magazine and I highly recommend you stop by if you're in the area. The sticky toffee pudding and Nutella custard was, in a word, orgasmic.
After we finished dinner, we had a quick nightcap at the Columns Hotel on St Charles Avenue. What a treat! SO beautiful. Thursday was also spent in mediation, on a case we were, unfortunately, unable to settle. Thankfully, the memories of dinner the night before stayed with all throughout the tedious next day. I took some pics at the hotel, a place I hadn't been before September 30, 2009.
Many thanks to Brian and Mark, and Matthew for dinner Tuesday and Wednesday nights, respectively. Additional thanks to Matthew for all the hard work this past week.
After meetings the better part of Tuesday, and dinner with some of my client's local counsel (we went to Dickie Brennan's Steakhouse in the Quarter-yum!) Tuesday night, Wednesday was spent in mediation with my client and another one of their attorneys. Thankfully, the case settled at mediation-Hallelujah! That night, our attorney took us to dinner in the Uptown section of NOLA (nearby to where I live). Since my client is from out of town, she hadn't really spent much time Uptown, and being the walking encyclopedia that he is regarding all things New Orleans, our attorney made the night delightful! Dinner was had at Lilette off Magazine and I highly recommend you stop by if you're in the area. The sticky toffee pudding and Nutella custard was, in a word, orgasmic.
After we finished dinner, we had a quick nightcap at the Columns Hotel on St Charles Avenue. What a treat! SO beautiful. Thursday was also spent in mediation, on a case we were, unfortunately, unable to settle. Thankfully, the memories of dinner the night before stayed with all throughout the tedious next day. I took some pics at the hotel, a place I hadn't been before September 30, 2009.
Many thanks to Brian and Mark, and Matthew for dinner Tuesday and Wednesday nights, respectively. Additional thanks to Matthew for all the hard work this past week.
Friday, October 2, 2009
They should put more meats on sticks....
Last Sunday was my first Alligator Festival in the sprawling town of Lulling, LA. If you don't happen to know where Lulling is, don't feel badly-neither do I!
I attended the fair with Shaun and Curtis and their kids, Savannah and Kyle (and Kyle's bff Corey). As soon as we got there, Kyle and Corey took off to do what young teenage boys will do (and what that is, I haven't the foggiest- - -never been a teenage boy before), leaving Savannah and I to ride the Festival rides.
I LOVE roller coasters, and always have. Unfortunately, though, these particular carnival rides were not exactly designed for someone 5'7". I have bruises on the tops of my thighs from trying to maneuver my legs out from under some of the safety bars! Savannah, who just turned 9 (see last post), rode everything with me, despite some serious reservations of the ride that hangs you completely upside down on multiple occasions. We had a great time, and neither one of us got sick (unlike Kyle!)!!
Got to see the end of one band, ate a cochon de lait po boy (pronounced: ko-shawn-de-lay), a carmel apple and some alligator (although not in that order) and got a nice redneck sunburn on my arms and chest. All-in-all, a delightful excursion and I stand by my former statement: they really should put more meats on sticks....who doesn't LOVE meat on a stick!?!?!
Didn't take many pics, but here are a few:
I attended the fair with Shaun and Curtis and their kids, Savannah and Kyle (and Kyle's bff Corey). As soon as we got there, Kyle and Corey took off to do what young teenage boys will do (and what that is, I haven't the foggiest- - -never been a teenage boy before), leaving Savannah and I to ride the Festival rides.
I LOVE roller coasters, and always have. Unfortunately, though, these particular carnival rides were not exactly designed for someone 5'7". I have bruises on the tops of my thighs from trying to maneuver my legs out from under some of the safety bars! Savannah, who just turned 9 (see last post), rode everything with me, despite some serious reservations of the ride that hangs you completely upside down on multiple occasions. We had a great time, and neither one of us got sick (unlike Kyle!)!!
Got to see the end of one band, ate a cochon de lait po boy (pronounced: ko-shawn-de-lay), a carmel apple and some alligator (although not in that order) and got a nice redneck sunburn on my arms and chest. All-in-all, a delightful excursion and I stand by my former statement: they really should put more meats on sticks....who doesn't LOVE meat on a stick!?!?!
Didn't take many pics, but here are a few:
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thank God I'm just Aunt Jackie/Miss Jackie
I just got back from my friend Shaun's daughter's 9th birthday party. Twelve 7-11 year old girls, screaming, running, laughing, all trying to talk over one another......WOW. My ears hurt.
Anyone who knows me knows I positively ADORE kids. They are so much fun and can be so inspiring. One of the more painful things about my divorce was having to leave my niece and nephew-when they're the kids of your ex's brother, its not often that you get to continue having a relationship. I loved Maia and Joseph, loved seeing who they were growing up to become, and will always have them in my thoughts. I am so grateful and thankful that I have my sister's daughter Brianna in my world. That precocious little girl is the light of my life and I wish I got to see her more frequently....a major drawback to living three states away.
While children are such a blessing, after tonight, I am again reminded how much I LOVE ONLY being Aunt Jackie (or Miss Jackie to the kids of all my friends). As Aunt Jackie, I get to spoil the kids rotten, play with them until they have no energy left, pump 'em full of cookies and soda, then happily return them to mom and dad! Aunt Jackie doesn't have to discipline or ever be the bad guy; Aunt Jackie is always there for support or advice, and Aunt Jackie exposes them to new and exciting music and culture, like The Jackson 5. Sorry about that Leanna-Lanie WILL stop singing ABC one of these days, I promise! Best of all, Aunt Jackie doesn't have to constantly clean up after messes made by wee ones-when I'm done, that's it!
I love children, and nothing about that will ever change. I'm really looking forward to starting my volunteer work at Children's Hospital of New Orleans next week and plan to devote as much of my spare time to the hospital as possible. Perhaps, one of these days, I'll find someone suitable to breed with, but until then, friends of mine who happen to be parents, please take note: I consider it not only my job but my duty to love your children, give them everything I possibly can (including Diet Coke/Sprite, brownies, cookies, and bubble gum) then hand them back over to you completely hyped up and totally punch drunk w/happiness!
Anyone who knows me knows I positively ADORE kids. They are so much fun and can be so inspiring. One of the more painful things about my divorce was having to leave my niece and nephew-when they're the kids of your ex's brother, its not often that you get to continue having a relationship. I loved Maia and Joseph, loved seeing who they were growing up to become, and will always have them in my thoughts. I am so grateful and thankful that I have my sister's daughter Brianna in my world. That precocious little girl is the light of my life and I wish I got to see her more frequently....a major drawback to living three states away.
While children are such a blessing, after tonight, I am again reminded how much I LOVE ONLY being Aunt Jackie (or Miss Jackie to the kids of all my friends). As Aunt Jackie, I get to spoil the kids rotten, play with them until they have no energy left, pump 'em full of cookies and soda, then happily return them to mom and dad! Aunt Jackie doesn't have to discipline or ever be the bad guy; Aunt Jackie is always there for support or advice, and Aunt Jackie exposes them to new and exciting music and culture, like The Jackson 5. Sorry about that Leanna-Lanie WILL stop singing ABC one of these days, I promise! Best of all, Aunt Jackie doesn't have to constantly clean up after messes made by wee ones-when I'm done, that's it!
I love children, and nothing about that will ever change. I'm really looking forward to starting my volunteer work at Children's Hospital of New Orleans next week and plan to devote as much of my spare time to the hospital as possible. Perhaps, one of these days, I'll find someone suitable to breed with, but until then, friends of mine who happen to be parents, please take note: I consider it not only my job but my duty to love your children, give them everything I possibly can (including Diet Coke/Sprite, brownies, cookies, and bubble gum) then hand them back over to you completely hyped up and totally punch drunk w/happiness!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I'm sorry!
I am always the first person to step up and admit when I'm wrong, when I've messed up, and I genuinely try to take responsibility for all my actions-good and bad. My recent antics (see the reference to Labor Day in the last post) have hurt a couple people, one person in particular. I have no idea if this person checks out the blog or not, and even though I've apologized profusely, I remain plagued by guilt compounded by an utter uncertainty of exactly what I did wrong. I've tried to live my whole life with few regrets, and so far I've done pretty good. Despite that, I've managed to add yet another tick to the regret column.
Living through my childhood and my failed marriage, I can certainly attest to the fact that there are always going to be ups and downs in every relationship. Sometimes the people you love are going to disappoint you, such is the reality of life and love and people. What makes us human is our ability to continue to love people through the pain, step up to the plate and make amends, and to forgive. A lesson I've had a hard time learning is that you not only have to learn to forgive those that hurt you, but also forgive yourself. Self-loathing gets you absolutely nowhere.
So, with the above in mind, I will say one last "I really am sorry" and purge my own sadness from my heart; I am human and I make mistakes. Since music has always held a huge influence in my life, I'll close w/a passage from one of my favorite songs:
You see time, time is our friend
cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Living through my childhood and my failed marriage, I can certainly attest to the fact that there are always going to be ups and downs in every relationship. Sometimes the people you love are going to disappoint you, such is the reality of life and love and people. What makes us human is our ability to continue to love people through the pain, step up to the plate and make amends, and to forgive. A lesson I've had a hard time learning is that you not only have to learn to forgive those that hurt you, but also forgive yourself. Self-loathing gets you absolutely nowhere.
So, with the above in mind, I will say one last "I really am sorry" and purge my own sadness from my heart; I am human and I make mistakes. Since music has always held a huge influence in my life, I'll close w/a passage from one of my favorite songs:
You see time, time is our friend
cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
The Family Came and took NOLA by storm!
Mom, Beck, Brianna, and Trev all stopped in for a visit at the end of July. I never really realized how much I'd miss Mom, Becky, and Bre until I was an 8 hour drive away. I've missed Trevor like crazy for years, but being so far away from loved ones is just a sacrifice of the service man, so even though I cry like a banshee every time I have to send him off on a plane, I've learned to accept the pain. At least I didn't have to send him back to California in his fatigues this time...that always makes it much worse, like I'm sending my baby brother off to war.
I, unfortunately, couldn't take the whole week off, but the family was able to entertain themselves w/touristy things, plus, Trev and Mom built my computer while I was at the office, and for that, I'll always be grateful. I took them crabbing w/my friend Shaun and her family. They had a great time and I will forever be thankful to The Harris/Murray family for showing my fam such hospitality.
Mom had a difficult time w/the humidity (I guess I've just grown tolerant) and with as small as my apartment is, having one bathroom for 4 adults, after one week in only 450sq ft, I think we were all in need of some more space (and better air conditioning!). My family is crazy (and please don't take offense, cause I share the same blood), but I wouldn't have it any other way, and I'm so happy I got to see them all (esp Trevor before he gets deployed again this November).
Here are some pics:
I, unfortunately, couldn't take the whole week off, but the family was able to entertain themselves w/touristy things, plus, Trev and Mom built my computer while I was at the office, and for that, I'll always be grateful. I took them crabbing w/my friend Shaun and her family. They had a great time and I will forever be thankful to The Harris/Murray family for showing my fam such hospitality.
Mom had a difficult time w/the humidity (I guess I've just grown tolerant) and with as small as my apartment is, having one bathroom for 4 adults, after one week in only 450sq ft, I think we were all in need of some more space (and better air conditioning!). My family is crazy (and please don't take offense, cause I share the same blood), but I wouldn't have it any other way, and I'm so happy I got to see them all (esp Trevor before he gets deployed again this November).
Here are some pics:
Work, Shower, Rinse, Repeat
Haven't blogged in a couple weeks, mostly just cause nothing is going on. I think my friend Jennifer put it best when asked about her activities : "Work, Shower, Rinse, Repeat."
I told myself that I worked non-stop in Atlanta because I was just so busy, but I think the reality was I just didn't want to be at home dealing w/the painful collapse of my marriage. I've come to discover, however, that I really am a workaholic. So, aside from putting in the time at the office and being on Facebook continuously (thanks for whoever invented THAT!), I mostly just sleep and chill w/the domesticated beasts. I realize it's neither fun nor exciting, but it is the reality.
My sister and the baby (I'll always refer to her as the baby, despite how old she gets) came by for Labor Day. Aside from drinking so much I blacked out and can't remember more than half the night (NOT one of my finer moments), we had a good time. Thanks for taking care of me, sissy. We went to the beach w/some friends and their kids, which Brianna loved, and out on a boat to see coastal Mississippi and some of the destruction still remaining from Hurricane Katrina. I simply can't imagine how anyone lived through such destruction.
On a positive note, I'm starting volunteer work at Children's Hospital here in New Orleans very soon. Gotta get a TB test and then I should be set. I adore children and have been blessed to know so many wonderful little people (not midgets). Since I may never have any of my own, I thought it was time to start giving back to the wee ones that have touched my soul.
I'll keep you posted on how it goes!
I told myself that I worked non-stop in Atlanta because I was just so busy, but I think the reality was I just didn't want to be at home dealing w/the painful collapse of my marriage. I've come to discover, however, that I really am a workaholic. So, aside from putting in the time at the office and being on Facebook continuously (thanks for whoever invented THAT!), I mostly just sleep and chill w/the domesticated beasts. I realize it's neither fun nor exciting, but it is the reality.
My sister and the baby (I'll always refer to her as the baby, despite how old she gets) came by for Labor Day. Aside from drinking so much I blacked out and can't remember more than half the night (NOT one of my finer moments), we had a good time. Thanks for taking care of me, sissy. We went to the beach w/some friends and their kids, which Brianna loved, and out on a boat to see coastal Mississippi and some of the destruction still remaining from Hurricane Katrina. I simply can't imagine how anyone lived through such destruction.
On a positive note, I'm starting volunteer work at Children's Hospital here in New Orleans very soon. Gotta get a TB test and then I should be set. I adore children and have been blessed to know so many wonderful little people (not midgets). Since I may never have any of my own, I thought it was time to start giving back to the wee ones that have touched my soul.
I'll keep you posted on how it goes!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A further thought...
Reasons why it's nice being single :
1. Cereal, it's what's for dinner (forget beef!).
2. I can sit around in whatever I want (case in point, right now, its the shirt I wore to the office, my underwear, and ballet flats).
3. I can go to bed whenever I so choose and not worry about disturbing someone.
3a. I get the WHOLE bed to myself!
3b. I don't have to listen to someone snore so loudly it rattles the paint from the walls.
4. I don't have to clean if I don't want to and I don't have to cook if I don't want to (see #1).
5. And this one should be obvious, I get to play Channel Commando all the time!
6. I don't have to talk about anything when I walk in the door-not my day, not politics, not family affairs. I can just be quiet, drink a beer, and decompress in peace.
I'm sure there are other things I could think of, but this is all I could come up w/off the top of my head and not completely sound like a bitter, cynical woman.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my big, comfy bed w/cool crisp sheets is calling my name. Good night, and big balls.
1. Cereal, it's what's for dinner (forget beef!).
2. I can sit around in whatever I want (case in point, right now, its the shirt I wore to the office, my underwear, and ballet flats).
3. I can go to bed whenever I so choose and not worry about disturbing someone.
3a. I get the WHOLE bed to myself!
3b. I don't have to listen to someone snore so loudly it rattles the paint from the walls.
4. I don't have to clean if I don't want to and I don't have to cook if I don't want to (see #1).
5. And this one should be obvious, I get to play Channel Commando all the time!
6. I don't have to talk about anything when I walk in the door-not my day, not politics, not family affairs. I can just be quiet, drink a beer, and decompress in peace.
I'm sure there are other things I could think of, but this is all I could come up w/off the top of my head and not completely sound like a bitter, cynical woman.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my big, comfy bed w/cool crisp sheets is calling my name. Good night, and big balls.
If this is what awaits me, I'll be happily single forever!
It was a Saturday night in June. As is now often the case, unless I've already made plans, I'd been lazily sitting around the house all day and had finally gotten up, cleaned the house, showered, and tossed in some laundry.
It was around 7:30pm, and I was starting to get a little hungry. My Turkish neighbor, Al, texted me and asked if he could come by and say hello to the cats (he cat sits for me when I have to go out of town). While I didn't really feel like any visitors, I hadn't seen Al in awhile, so I told him to come over. I told myself it was the neighborly thing to do.
Al came over, beer in hand (of course), and he sat down on my ottoman and we chatted whilst he visited w/Dallas and Levi (they LOVE him, btw). I was pretty famished by this time, having not eaten anything all day. Rather than be rude and tell him to leave because I was going out, I asked Al if he'd want to go out and get some food. After all, what's wrong w/sharing a meal w/a neighbor? I really wasn't planning on this being a date, but I know Al is kinda sweet on me, so why not? Al said he'd like to go and asked if I could wait for 15 minutes. I said sure, but told him to hurry.
Now, if you know anything about me, you know that when I get THAT hungry, I become rather mean. In fact, I think my ex-mother-in-law told me I could be an outright bitch when I'm hungry.....Nice. 15 minutes came and went, no Al. 20 minutes, 25 minutes, 30 MINUTES later, and he finally showed up. I think my comment to him was something like "You should NEVER keep a lady waiting." ....Hello pretentious brat (at least I can admit it!).
Al doesn't drive, not that he doesn't know how (or so he says), he just doesn't like to get behind the wheel. So, we hopped in the Volvo and headed down Magazine. I wanted wings so I took him to WOW-this bar/wing place down near me. There wasn't really anyone in the bar for a Saturday night, so we sat down immediately. That was where the pleasantries ended.
The waitress came over to take a simple drink order. Al couldn't decide what he wanted and asked her to come back.....She came back and he STILL didn't know what he wanted to drink! I ordered an Abita Amber draft and he finally just asked for the same thing. From here, the menu issues began. "What does he want?" "How hot is "hot" on the wing category?" "Am I gonna get wings?" Al must have looked at that menu for 20 minutes before making a decision. In the meantime, I told him, "I'm ordering an appetizer. What will you NOT eat?" Obviously, I didn't wanna get something the man wouldn't like! This spawned off into another 5 minutes of discussion. First he said chips and salsa. Well, unfortunately, the waitress was standing at the table when he said that, and as soon as he said "chips and salsa" she trotted off. I just assumed she was as exasperated by him as I was and was leaving to give him more time.
Eventually, Al decided he wanted fried pickles and fried mushrooms. Waitress came back, I placed the order and went ahead and ordered my food too. Al followed suit. While we're sitting there waiting for the apps, his critique began: "The floors are awfully dirty in here. Why can't they sweep?" "Look at the light fixture. That really needs to be cleaned." "Why aren't there more napkins on the table?" "This table cloth is sticky." "My silverware looks dirty." "The booths in here look like something from the Brady Bunch and what's up w/the strands of colored Christmas lights on the walls?" I finally told him he was in a bar and if he wanted some place clean, he shouldn't have chosen New Orleans as a place to live.
He was pretty loaded by this time so he turned the conversation to the Jews, Greeks, and Blacks. OK.....CHAPPY DONE! I sat there at the table looking at my neighbor thinking "My God when will this be over?!?!?" Around that time, the waitress brought out some chips and salsa. I asked her what it was and she said it was what he ordered.... "Ummm, okay..." We started nibbling. The man began double and triple dipping. "Hello, does proper etiquette mean ANYTHING to you?" When you barely know someone YOU DON'T DOUBLE DIP! I sat amazed, but it gets better, or worse, depending on how you're viewing the situation.
The waitress then brought out the fried pickles and the fried mushrooms, which would have been fine, if we hadn't already ordered wings and fries too! Ziggy Piggy! Al gobbled up the mushrooms amidst more complaining and a slew of offensive comments. The wings finally came and I just tried to get through them as fast as I could. Much to my surprise, the night got worse. As I was sucking down wings and chugging my beer, my neighbor, Al, does something so grotesque I was w/out speech..... The man blew his nose at the table. He proceeded to do this several times throughout what was left of the meal. And that was it for me.....CHECK!
The waitress brought the bill, just as Al wanted to toast to our first date. I rarely hold my tongue for anyone, so I pointedly told him this was NOT a date, and reached for the check. He asked why I didn't think it was a date, and as old school and cliche as this is going to sound, my response was "You're not paying. It's not a date." The bill, with THREE appetizers was $50 so he handed me a $20. I handed the book back to the waitress and asked her to process w/due haste.
On the way home, Al wanted to stop off at a new bar that's just opened up down the street from me, The Rum House. I, of course, said no, and drove us home. As I walked to my door, keys ALREADY in hand, he said we should definitely do this again. My response was a simple "no". He of course pushed for a more elaborate response, to which I replied "I have never, in my life, been at a table w/someone who complains about every little thing. You didn't stop complaining for one second and you couldn't make your mind up about ANYTHING!" Al was, thankfully, too drunk by this point to really comprehend what I was telling him, so I don't think I hurt his feelings....much.
Seriously, if the above is what awaits me in the dating pool, please, everyone, refrain from trying to set me up-ever.
It was around 7:30pm, and I was starting to get a little hungry. My Turkish neighbor, Al, texted me and asked if he could come by and say hello to the cats (he cat sits for me when I have to go out of town). While I didn't really feel like any visitors, I hadn't seen Al in awhile, so I told him to come over. I told myself it was the neighborly thing to do.
Al came over, beer in hand (of course), and he sat down on my ottoman and we chatted whilst he visited w/Dallas and Levi (they LOVE him, btw). I was pretty famished by this time, having not eaten anything all day. Rather than be rude and tell him to leave because I was going out, I asked Al if he'd want to go out and get some food. After all, what's wrong w/sharing a meal w/a neighbor? I really wasn't planning on this being a date, but I know Al is kinda sweet on me, so why not? Al said he'd like to go and asked if I could wait for 15 minutes. I said sure, but told him to hurry.
Now, if you know anything about me, you know that when I get THAT hungry, I become rather mean. In fact, I think my ex-mother-in-law told me I could be an outright bitch when I'm hungry.....Nice. 15 minutes came and went, no Al. 20 minutes, 25 minutes, 30 MINUTES later, and he finally showed up. I think my comment to him was something like "You should NEVER keep a lady waiting." ....Hello pretentious brat (at least I can admit it!).
Al doesn't drive, not that he doesn't know how (or so he says), he just doesn't like to get behind the wheel. So, we hopped in the Volvo and headed down Magazine. I wanted wings so I took him to WOW-this bar/wing place down near me. There wasn't really anyone in the bar for a Saturday night, so we sat down immediately. That was where the pleasantries ended.
The waitress came over to take a simple drink order. Al couldn't decide what he wanted and asked her to come back.....She came back and he STILL didn't know what he wanted to drink! I ordered an Abita Amber draft and he finally just asked for the same thing. From here, the menu issues began. "What does he want?" "How hot is "hot" on the wing category?" "Am I gonna get wings?" Al must have looked at that menu for 20 minutes before making a decision. In the meantime, I told him, "I'm ordering an appetizer. What will you NOT eat?" Obviously, I didn't wanna get something the man wouldn't like! This spawned off into another 5 minutes of discussion. First he said chips and salsa. Well, unfortunately, the waitress was standing at the table when he said that, and as soon as he said "chips and salsa" she trotted off. I just assumed she was as exasperated by him as I was and was leaving to give him more time.
Eventually, Al decided he wanted fried pickles and fried mushrooms. Waitress came back, I placed the order and went ahead and ordered my food too. Al followed suit. While we're sitting there waiting for the apps, his critique began: "The floors are awfully dirty in here. Why can't they sweep?" "Look at the light fixture. That really needs to be cleaned." "Why aren't there more napkins on the table?" "This table cloth is sticky." "My silverware looks dirty." "The booths in here look like something from the Brady Bunch and what's up w/the strands of colored Christmas lights on the walls?" I finally told him he was in a bar and if he wanted some place clean, he shouldn't have chosen New Orleans as a place to live.
He was pretty loaded by this time so he turned the conversation to the Jews, Greeks, and Blacks. OK.....CHAPPY DONE! I sat there at the table looking at my neighbor thinking "My God when will this be over?!?!?" Around that time, the waitress brought out some chips and salsa. I asked her what it was and she said it was what he ordered.... "Ummm, okay..." We started nibbling. The man began double and triple dipping. "Hello, does proper etiquette mean ANYTHING to you?" When you barely know someone YOU DON'T DOUBLE DIP! I sat amazed, but it gets better, or worse, depending on how you're viewing the situation.
The waitress then brought out the fried pickles and the fried mushrooms, which would have been fine, if we hadn't already ordered wings and fries too! Ziggy Piggy! Al gobbled up the mushrooms amidst more complaining and a slew of offensive comments. The wings finally came and I just tried to get through them as fast as I could. Much to my surprise, the night got worse. As I was sucking down wings and chugging my beer, my neighbor, Al, does something so grotesque I was w/out speech..... The man blew his nose at the table. He proceeded to do this several times throughout what was left of the meal. And that was it for me.....CHECK!
The waitress brought the bill, just as Al wanted to toast to our first date. I rarely hold my tongue for anyone, so I pointedly told him this was NOT a date, and reached for the check. He asked why I didn't think it was a date, and as old school and cliche as this is going to sound, my response was "You're not paying. It's not a date." The bill, with THREE appetizers was $50 so he handed me a $20. I handed the book back to the waitress and asked her to process w/due haste.
On the way home, Al wanted to stop off at a new bar that's just opened up down the street from me, The Rum House. I, of course, said no, and drove us home. As I walked to my door, keys ALREADY in hand, he said we should definitely do this again. My response was a simple "no". He of course pushed for a more elaborate response, to which I replied "I have never, in my life, been at a table w/someone who complains about every little thing. You didn't stop complaining for one second and you couldn't make your mind up about ANYTHING!" Al was, thankfully, too drunk by this point to really comprehend what I was telling him, so I don't think I hurt his feelings....much.
Seriously, if the above is what awaits me in the dating pool, please, everyone, refrain from trying to set me up-ever.
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