Thank God I'm just Aunt Jackie/Miss Jackie

I just got back from my friend Shaun's daughter's 9th birthday party. Twelve 7-11 year old girls, screaming, running, laughing, all trying to talk over one another......WOW. My ears hurt.

Anyone who knows me knows I positively ADORE kids. They are so much fun and can be so inspiring. One of the more painful things about my divorce was having to leave my niece and nephew-when they're the kids of your ex's brother, its not often that you get to continue having a relationship. I loved Maia and Joseph, loved seeing who they were growing up to become, and will always have them in my thoughts. I am so grateful and thankful that I have my sister's daughter Brianna in my world. That precocious little girl is the light of my life and I wish I got to see her more frequently....a major drawback to living three states away.

While children are such a blessing, after tonight, I am again reminded how much I LOVE ONLY being Aunt Jackie (or Miss Jackie to the kids of all my friends). As Aunt Jackie, I get to spoil the kids rotten, play with them until they have no energy left, pump 'em full of cookies and soda, then happily return them to mom and dad! Aunt Jackie doesn't have to discipline or ever be the bad guy; Aunt Jackie is always there for support or advice, and Aunt Jackie exposes them to new and exciting music and culture, like The Jackson 5. Sorry about that Leanna-Lanie WILL stop singing ABC one of these days, I promise! Best of all, Aunt Jackie doesn't have to constantly clean up after messes made by wee ones-when I'm done, that's it!

I love children, and nothing about that will ever change. I'm really looking forward to starting my volunteer work at Children's Hospital of New Orleans next week and plan to devote as much of my spare time to the hospital as possible. Perhaps, one of these days, I'll find someone suitable to breed with, but until then, friends of mine who happen to be parents, please take note: I consider it not only my job but my duty to love your children, give them everything I possibly can (including Diet Coke/Sprite, brownies, cookies, and bubble gum) then hand them back over to you completely hyped up and totally punch drunk w/happiness!

I'm sorry!

I am always the first person to step up and admit when I'm wrong, when I've messed up, and I genuinely try to take responsibility for all my actions-good and bad. My recent antics (see the reference to Labor Day in the last post) have hurt a couple people, one person in particular. I have no idea if this person checks out the blog or not, and even though I've apologized profusely, I remain plagued by guilt compounded by an utter uncertainty of exactly what I did wrong. I've tried to live my whole life with few regrets, and so far I've done pretty good. Despite that, I've managed to add yet another tick to the regret column.

Living through my childhood and my failed marriage, I can certainly attest to the fact that there are always going to be ups and downs in every relationship. Sometimes the people you love are going to disappoint you, such is the reality of life and love and people. What makes us human is our ability to continue to love people through the pain, step up to the plate and make amends, and to forgive. A lesson I've had a hard time learning is that you not only have to learn to forgive those that hurt you, but also forgive yourself. Self-loathing gets you absolutely nowhere.

So, with the above in mind, I will say one last "I really am sorry" and purge my own sadness from my heart; I am human and I make mistakes. Since music has always held a huge influence in my life, I'll close w/a passage from one of my favorite songs:


You see time, time is our friend
cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

The Family Came and took NOLA by storm!

Mom, Beck, Brianna, and Trev all stopped in for a visit at the end of July. I never really realized how much I'd miss Mom, Becky, and Bre until I was an 8 hour drive away. I've missed Trevor like crazy for years, but being so far away from loved ones is just a sacrifice of the service man, so even though I cry like a banshee every time I have to send him off on a plane, I've learned to accept the pain. At least I didn't have to send him back to California in his fatigues this time...that always makes it much worse, like I'm sending my baby brother off to war.

I, unfortunately, couldn't take the whole week off, but the family was able to entertain themselves w/touristy things, plus, Trev and Mom built my computer while I was at the office, and for that, I'll always be grateful. I took them crabbing w/my friend Shaun and her family. They had a great time and I will forever be thankful to The Harris/Murray family for showing my fam such hospitality.

Mom had a difficult time w/the humidity (I guess I've just grown tolerant) and with as small as my apartment is, having one bathroom for 4 adults, after one week in only 450sq ft, I think we were all in need of some more space (and better air conditioning!). My family is crazy (and please don't take offense, cause I share the same blood), but I wouldn't have it any other way, and I'm so happy I got to see them all (esp Trevor before he gets deployed again this November).

Here are some pics:

Work, Shower, Rinse, Repeat

Haven't blogged in a couple weeks, mostly just cause nothing is going on. I think my friend Jennifer put it best when asked about her activities : "Work, Shower, Rinse, Repeat."


I told myself that I worked non-stop in Atlanta because I was just so busy, but I think the reality was I just didn't want to be at home dealing w/the painful collapse of my marriage. I've come to discover, however, that I really am a workaholic. So, aside from putting in the time at the office and being on Facebook continuously (thanks for whoever invented THAT!), I mostly just sleep and chill w/the domesticated beasts. I realize it's neither fun nor exciting, but it is the reality.


My sister and the baby (I'll always refer to her as the baby, despite how old she gets) came by for Labor Day. Aside from drinking so much I blacked out and can't remember more than half the night (NOT one of my finer moments), we had a good time. Thanks for taking care of me, sissy. We went to the beach w/some friends and their kids, which Brianna loved, and out on a boat to see coastal Mississippi and some of the destruction still remaining from Hurricane Katrina. I simply can't imagine how anyone lived through such destruction.

On a positive note, I'm starting volunteer work at Children's Hospital here in New Orleans very soon. Gotta get a TB test and then I should be set. I adore children and have been blessed to know so many wonderful little people (not midgets). Since I may never have any of my own, I thought it was time to start giving back to the wee ones that have touched my soul.
I'll keep you posted on how it goes!